Who loves spring break?

Merry merry!

resigning as sherriff

As I’ve written about before, I’ve been on this Christian journey of wanting to live my faith for several years now.  My vision has been evolving.  I’ve been inching along and learning and studying and trying.  I take a few steps then stop for a few months to digest, breath, and sometimes regress. 

Although this process started several years ago, I don’t feel any closer to God now than I did before it began.  I don’t feel any more holy.  I don’t feel any more useful in the kingdom of God.  I’m not bearing fruit.  I have learned a lot, and read a lot of books.  I’ve formulated many opinions.  But I’m not bearing fruit.

That bothers me.

A few weeks ago I decided to separate myself from several of the fruitless distractions in my life (more on this later) so that I could focus more time and energy on this bearing-fruit situation.  I began praying for guidance in the process. 

And then it hit me, like a ton of Bibles.

My realization had to do with my own past church experience and its effect on my current situation.  Several years ago, about the time my journey began, there was something else going on in my life.  It was unrelated to my new pursuit of being transformed by the renewing of my mind, but parallel in chronology.   I had the misfortune of being on the sidelines of several ugly church situations:  black eyes that occur within that cause the deep kind of hurt that can only happen in settings where we are the most vulnerable. 

I allowed the resulting pain to direct my fledgling spiritual fervor in a wrong way.  Instead of jumping into the deep end of the joyous life of servant hood that Jesus commanded, I named myself church sheriff.  I took great pride in blowing my whistle, in calling it like I saw it in the church.  Some examples of my indictments:

Maybe if you weren’t so laser focused on building your flippin’ Worship Building buildings you’d see that there are bajillions of orphans that need homes. Maybe if the preacher wasn’t the sole soul-winner in the church, he wouldn’t be under so much pressure that he loses it and skirts around on his wife.   Maybe if you challenged the decidedly de-churched gen-x’ers to a life of adventure dependent on provision from the Lord rather than offering a weekly  pep-talk for keeping up the Joneses ( to the glory of the Lord), the church here wouldn’t be dwindling.  Maybe if you quit spoon- feeding gospel sound bytes to blessed people, you could get around to serving the lost. 

I took delight in formulating my thoughts.  I enjoyed flinging mud in the general direction of the church (like I did in this post) under the guise that I was a soldier for the Lord.  Instead of revering the church as the bride of Christ, I pegged it as my scapegoat for everything wrong in the world.

It was ugly and wasteful.

All of the energy I spent on my sheriff job I could have spent elsewhere.  I could have found some lost people to love on.  I could have cared for the least of these.  I could have discipled someone new to the faith.  I could have lifted up the bride of Christ rather than rolling my eyes at her.

So here I am, thankful for the scales falling off my eyes.  Again.  Grateful for forgiveness.  Eager to make up for lost time.  Hopeful in the Lord.

Tags: the western church

Now that I’m a mom

Once I became a mom,

I understood so much more.

I realized that all of the crazy parents

of former students

 that I’ve worked with over the years

 weren’t actually crazy after all.

They were just so deeply in love with their child

that they did and said things that someone without children

would find ridiculous.

But now I get it.

I think this girl is absolutely precious even when she’s out of focus.

 

 

Even when she asks for apple slices

only to chew them up and spit them out,

I think she’s wonderful.

 

 

Diapers, puke, drool.

They don’t phase me.

Because I’m in love.

 

I even love her to pieces

when we’re out in public

and she points and shouts “DAAAAAADDY!”

at each and every black man we see.

But what really blows my mind-

God loves me (and you and every other individual in the world) even more

than I love Carolyn.

To say he loves us thiiiiis much would be an understatement.

 

Just something I think about

now that I’m a mom.

Tags: being a mom, Carolyn, God's love

2nd birthday party

My sweet girl turned two on September 27th.  We had a family party for her last weekend at a park near our house.  She loves her cousins!

The facial expressions in this photo make me laugh.  It’s like a bunch of ragamuffins are lost in the woods.  They weren’t.

Carolyn was more impressed with the cake this year than last year.  She still wasn’t too sure about the candles.  Good thing Miley was there to help.  Carolyn has a stalker-like fixation with really loves Miley.

She liked the cake.  But as with most foods, she mainly wanted to shove it in someone else’s mouth.

He’s a good daddy.

 

Happy birthday Carebear!

Tags: birthdays, Carolyn, cousins

On evangelism

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what it means to do things Biblically versus following the norms of western church culture.  I’m sure there are many instances where these two arenas overlap, but the more thought I give to it the more I’m discovering that it’s often not the case.  One area in particular has bothered me for years: evangelism in the Bible versus evangelism in the modern church.  By evangelism I mean one’s way of inviting others into the kingdom of God.  Church people, I’d love to know what your thoughts are on the topic.   Please don’t think I’m talking to people I actually go to church with.  I don’t go to church.  I mean ‘church’ in the ‘kingdom of God here on earth’ sense of the word.

It all started a few years ago, when I did go to church (one that I loved a lot and would probably go back to if I ever went back to a church that has a building).  I was in a church leadership meeting.  The person leading the meeting asked the committee to brainstorm ideas of how to bring in the unchurched and inspire them to come back.  He told us to keep in mind that we (the church) weren’t competing with other churches- we were competing with IHOP.  ‘Oooh, so true,’  we all said.  And then like a flash of lightening we all had the same idea.  Food!  Food is how we’ll reel them in!  Our unique selling advantage will be food that the unchurched won’t even have to pay for!   And coffee with a variety of flavored creamers!  And a friendly attitude and other-worldly customer service!  As the ideas flowed like milk and honey, we soon encountered a snag that transcends denominations: if we allow food and drink in the auditorium, messes will be made.  A heated debate ensued over exactly which snack foods left a cheeto-like residue on ones’ hands (and pews) and which did not.  Although we couldn’t outdo IHOP when it came to the most important meal of the day, we did come up with a snack cart menu featuring items to please both the sweet and savory palate.  Plus our customers wouldn’t have to pay a dime, so that part of our plan was pretty solid.   And we knew we had IHOP licked in the categories of ample parking as well as wait time before being seated.  When we factored in our friendly team of casually dressed greeters (of both genders, a wide age span, and representative of several ethnicities) plus free childcare, we knew we were ready to take on the International House of Pancakes.

Did the plan work?  Yes.

But when I read the Bible, I find that the plan we came up with had very little in common with the example that Jesus left for us to follow.

In John 4:25  Jesus said ‘I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.’ .  This means that God prepares peoples hearts to accept his saving grace.  He does the preparing of hearts.  He infiltrates souls and does the transformation.  We (Christ followers) are to share the gospel with anyone and everyone.  They accept and we disciple them in the way of the Lord so they become fishers of men also.  Or, if we share the gospel and it’s not received, we ‘shake the dust off our feet’ and move on.   There’s no convincing, courting, or wooing involved.  It’s not by our persuasive skills or our customer service skills that we’re asked to bring new disciples into the kingdom of God, it’s through speaking the truth.

My fear is that when the church follows its own plan for evangelism rather than the plan laid out for us in the Bible, we’re selling the message short.  It’s like we’re trying to sell something or marginal value  by dressing it up a little.  But our something isn’t for sale.  It’s free.  And it’s better than anything the world can offer.  In fact, it’s so much better than anything the world can offer, that it shouldn’t be in the same category as what the world can offer.  It’s eternal life that starts the moment you first believe- eternal life with God himself living in you.   

For me, there was a clear motive for buying into the modern western version of evangelism: it was an easy out.  I was thrilled to have a church-approved manner of sharing the gospel without ever having to give my testimony or even ask anyone if they were saved.  I never had to use any embarrassing terminology like ‘crucified’ or ‘savior’ or ‘redeemed’.  I had substituted drumming up church-attenders for witnessing the truth of the Savior, all for my own personal comfort.  And comfortable I was.  But at the same time I was keeping myself from experiencing the promises that God makes to those who obey his commands.

I’m ready to stop being comfortable.  I’m nearly ready to start being uncomfortable.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Is anyone else in the same boat?  Or a completely different boat?  Or a boat of staunch disagreement?  I’d love to know what you think.

Thanks for reading!

Tags: evangelism

Please join me for my own personal renaissance.

I’m rethinking things.  And rethinking.  And rethinking.

For the past year or so, I’ve had a constant internal dialogue running regarding the reasons for my status quo.  Why do I believe the way I do?  Why do I worship the way I do?  Why do I share the gospel the way I do?  Why do I believe the book of Revelation isn’t really part of the Bible?  Why am I a teacher?  Why do I think owning a home is superior to NOT owning a home?  Why don’t I go to church?  Should I go to church?  What is ‘church’?  Why do I consider the Trinity a hierarchy rather than a triumverate?  Why do I want to be a missionary?  Is asking friends and family to support me financially the only way to make it as a missionary?  Is it even Biblical to ask for financial support from the church given that my family and I are neither orphans nor widows?  Does God have an individual will for each of our lives beyond what he already told us he wants us to do?  Why do I care what people think about me SO VERY MUCH?  Have I fallen into the trap of worshipping my child rather than worshipping God?  Is it noble or sinful to call people out when you hear them preaching lies?

All of this to say: I’d like to start blogging about these things rather than just talking to myself about them.  I’d love input and feedback.  I feel alone in my thoughts, but I have a sense that so many of my brothers and sisters in Christ are going through something similar.  I hope you’ll join in the conversation!